You're my little dorito
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He felt like a one man threesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize