I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he fucked my hip out of place.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
