I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I will pee on everything he values.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
