Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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