My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize