What did we do last night that was yellow?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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