If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
