Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
