I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
