Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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