i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
