When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
