if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this is an emotional support booty call
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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