weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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