What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
