My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
