I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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