uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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