This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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