we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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