if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
