hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
