So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
