Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
