Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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