I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
