dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
