Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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