also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
