Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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