come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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