just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
