You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
