u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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