So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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