By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
