At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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