Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Still dying that you shit outside
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
