Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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