he thought i was a dude.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
