i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize