VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
