Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
