Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
