he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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