we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
