Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
