I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have aggressive nipples.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
