I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
