she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
