Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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