You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
