Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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