New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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