Jerry, you need to find god
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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