just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
