he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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