She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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