Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
