Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
