Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize