I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
