Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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