Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
