Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
