I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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