Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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