so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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