i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
