Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize