Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
